


OwO

by cowboyez37



Category: nunya bidniss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 12:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21457711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboyez37/pseuds/cowboyez37
Summary: im only posting this for VAUGHN and VAUGH ALONE!! IF YOU'rE NOT VAUGHN BACK OFF!!!BY THE WAY each section is like. a day and they're all one day after the other for the most part, but enjoy dawgmegio
Kudos: 1





	OwO

I couldn't help but cry. On one hand, I didn't want to fight against the Project at Eden's Gate in the first place. I had a semblance of trust for what Joseph believed. On the other hand, I fought so god damn hard to put an end to his injustices and I felt defeated. My emotions were conflicted and I was just confused, and scared as all hell. I was too panicked to even THINK about Dutch's body on the floor next to me.

That first night in the bunker, he left me cuffed to the bed on the floor. I didn't fight it. I couldn't. I couldn't even say a word to him. The whole time he was speaking to me all I could do was stare at him blankly. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. Was he right all along? Was everything really my fault? I still can't be sure. All I could do was sit there and cry, not because I was sad or angry, or anything like that, but because I was just so fucking confused. I was so exhausted, emotionally and physically, that I fell asleep almost immediately after he left the room.

When I woke up, I was un-cuffed and in the bed, and the body was nowhere to be found. I could only infer that Joseph put me there while I was sleeping, considering he was the only other person there. As soon as I sat up, my head began pounding. With a grunt, I stood and began navigating the bunker. I didn't immediately see or hear any signs of Joseph, but I knew he knew better than to leave. Finally, I found him standing in the security room.

I was too scared to approach him, but of course he knew I was there.

"All these notes on my siblings and I, they're so... Disrespectful. I cannot say they're entirely untrue, but they paint us in a truly harsh light. I understand, though, why one might see us like that."

"Joseph, I-"

"I forgive you. I was right, and I'm sorry you could not see that past your pride. But I forgive you."

"I don't know what to say, Joseph. I'm sorry for..." I trailed off. "I was stupid."

"That's in the past now. We cannot dwell on it. I can't forget what you did to me, to my family. But we will have to forgive each other and move forward. This was all apart of God's plan, after all.

I didn't respond. I didn't know how to. I felt like an idiot, and while I still resented Joseph in a way, I was relieved to know he forgave me. For a man as cruel as he could be, he was strangely understanding and honest. And he was all I had left. His certainty was almost enough to make me believe in God.

As I stepped out of the room, I heard him begin to quietly hum Amazing Grace. The song had an eerie ring to it after everything that'd happened.

I tried to find a way to keep myself occupied without speaking to Joseph, at least until he approached me himself.

I eventually found a book in the living room and settled down. After about an hour of reading (it was less reading and more skimming the words and overthinking everything), I was interrupted by Joseph coming in and sitting next to me. He didn't speak until I made eye contact with him.

"You should eat."

"I will when I feel better," I said.

"Just don't starve yourself, okay?"

"Mmhm."

I noticed the teeniest hint of a sad smile on his face before he got up and left.

I still didn't eat, but it felt like he cared about me, and if that were the case I knew things couldn't be too bad.

\---------

I was nervous for what was to come. I didn't know how long the two of us would be in there together. All I knew was that it was just me and him for the long run, and that we both had the worst history together. I could only hope we could get along, because we both knew we needed each other.

That morning, he told me to eat again. Even though I still didn't feel like eating, I didn't wanna say no to him, so I ate.

"I didn't want to do it. Those things that I did."

"Then why did you?" Joseph asked.

"I felt I didn't have a choice. It felt like it was what had to be done."

"It was all leading to this. This is where we are meant to be now. We've all had to make great sacrifices for the Lord, but it's leading to a new dawn."

I didn't ask if he was sure. I knew he was sure. He was god damn insane for it, but as long as he was confident in his word and I listened, I figured I was safe.

"Okay. I trust you."

The smile that spread across his face almost could have made this whole situation worthwhile. It was a genuine smile, not the sinister one I'd seen on his face so much.

I say he was insane, but after everything that happened, it seems more like he was just saying what he knew to say. The man wasn't power hungry, he genuinely thought he was helping. And I suppose he was, in a sense. Less people would have died, less people would have suffered, if I didn't add fuel to the fucking resistance's flame. I think a lot about what would have happened had I not killed Joseph's family. Would this still have happened? I suppose it doesn't matter anymore.

Never in my days in Hope County would I have thought I'd be praying for forgiveness from Joseph Seed himself, but there I was. No matter how many times he said he forgave me, I couldn't help but fear that he didn't. That he couldn't. I wouldn't forgive me if I was in his place, but I suppose that's what makes us different. It's just scary to think what he might have done to me, had he not forgiven me.

That night, I stumbled upon Joseph passed out on the kitchen table. He must have been exhausted with something, I just wondered what. Since he was asleep, I felt a little less nervous about examining the scars on his back. Seeing them made me feel uneasy. Did he willingly have those words carved into him, or was it forceful? Either way, it's awful to think about.

I almost wanted to sit with him in silence solely to be near him, but it felt wrong. I always was the clingy type, I suppose. Touch starved, I guess you could say. It would be stupid for me to be like that around Joseph, of all people, though. The only thing drawing me to him in that moment was that I was alone, and he was another person. However, I couldn't bring myself to do anything besides grab a book and lie down on the couch.

I ended up sneezing and waking Joseph up (probably for the best, because that position couldn't've been good for his back), and he came over to sit next to me.

He put a hand on my knee and looked me in the eye before speaking.

"Everything is going to be okay. So long as God is on our side, we're safe. And he is on our side."

It sure as hell didn't feel that way, but things were starting to make sense, and I did trust Joseph.

"I trust you, Joseph, but I can't help but to be nervous. I just don't know what's to come, I guess."

"Me neither, my child. But I do know that it's going to be good. Even if things start to go awry, I won't let anything bad happen to us."

He gave me a pat on the back before leaving the room, and I was left feeling somewhat confident in his word.

\---------

I could tell there was something wrong with Joseph. I mean, of course there was, in many ways, but in this moment I could tell he was covering something with his usual orderly façade.

He seemed to become more stressed day by day.

"Listen, I know we've had our fair share of... MAJOR problems, but right now all we've got is each other, so please talk to me."

He paused and looked at me like he didn't know what to say. If I'm being honest, I didn't know what kind of response to expect from him.

"I don't have anything to talk about."

"Yes, you do. I don't care if I already know it, or whatever. I can't sit in fucking silence this whole time and I can't have you- us- boxing shit up."

He stared at me with wide eyes for just a little bit too long, to the point it was a bit uncomfortable, before opening his mouth to speak.

"I just have my family on my mind. I'm sure you understand."

I nodded, inwardly feeling terrible for taking his family from him in the first place. I still felt as if there was more going on in his head, but I wasn't gonna press it any further.

"What about you? What do you need to talk about?"

Now it was my turn to be taken aback and stare too long.

"I guess I'm just fucking confused. Everything makes sense, but at the same time nothing does. And I feel even more horrible about what I've done than I did when I'd just done those things. I was stupid."

"The lord forgives you, as do I."

"What are we going to do, Joseph? How long are we even gonna be here?" I asked, a tone of worry coming through.

"For the first time in a long time, I'm not entirely sure. All I know is we have to wait until the time is right."

"And when will that be?"

"I don't know yet. But I will."

I had no other choice but to believe him. I could have left before he said it was time, but that was too dangerous. I didn't have a clue what it was like out there or when it would be safe, and the only hope I had was that he'd be right. Plus, he insisted it was our purpose to be down here, and I wasn't about to slap his purpose in the face.

I was beginning to like Joseph. No longer was he angry and psychotic, but he was reassuring and... kind. Whereas his brothers and sister tortured, starved, and manipulated me relentlessly, Joseph fed me and told me everything was going to be alright. Maybe this was my trial. Learning to trust Joseph after everything that had happened.

However, we were only 3 days in, with many more to go, and I was still jumpy when Joseph approached me. Seeing him, hearing his voice, the soft hums of Amazing Grace, it all reminded me of what he and his family did to my friends and I before we ended up down here. And that song. That fucking song. Every time he'd sing it all I could hear was the bombs, and all I could see was the blood.

I guess I would just have to try to forget about all that. I'd have to learn to be okay with Joseph. He'd not done anything to hurt me since we'd been stuck down here, but he made me uneasy. I never knew when he'd snap, or what he'd do when he did, or if he'd even snap at all. I was just nervous it could happen at any moment.

I was lost in my thoughts about it all when Joseph took my hands in his, snapping me out of it.

"Listen to me, my darling child," he started, looking me in the eye. He still called me his child but he didn't seem to mind me not calling him "Father", like he did with so many others.

"I know you're scared, and I know all of this is hard, but I can assure you we are going to be alright. We are God's children and He loves us."

I looked down a little awkwardly, nodding silently.

"I know you may not trust me, but I don't wish you any harm. There are few things you could do to deserve punishment at this point, and I know you wouldn't do them. I believe you and I are like Adam and Eve now, and Adam would never hurt his Eve."

A shiver went up my spine at the implications of us being like Adam and Eve, but it made sense for him to think this way.

"Thank you for your reassurance, Joseph. Means a lot."

With a smile, he let go of my hands and nodded before leaving the room.

Little by little, I was beginning to trust him as best as I could.

\---------

For the first time since we came down in the bunker, I decided to take a shower and change clothes.

"Just a heads up, I'm taking a shower so, uhhh... Don't go in there, I guess," I warned. There was only one room with showers in it and it was wide open, so I couldn't really stop him from walking past the hall and seeing me or anything, but I decided he'd probably be respectful enough to just wait.

"Alright. I'll just be in here," he said. He was sat in the living room reading a book, which was safe enough a time to shower, I suppose.

The water was cold and the stream was sharp, so I made haste in there. After wrapping up with a towel, I speed-walked to my room to change.

Previously, I'd been in a long sleeved button up, but after changing into a tank top, all my scars and tattoos from the Seed brothers were very visible. Faith was the only one I was ever okay with because she never actually physically hurt me, and I suppose that's better than the emotional AND physical abuse I suffered at the hands of John and Jacob.

When Joseph saw me, he immediately took notice in the words tattooed and carved into my skin.

"John only told me about your wrath," he stated, his face contorting in anger. "He told me he would make you atone for that. Nothing else."

He brushed his hand over the word "pride" carved just below my collarbone.

"What do you mean?"

"They were meant to report everything to me. Before and after they did it. I didn't approve of this. What else did John do to you?"

Aside from all the beating and degrading, he'd marked me with my "sins". Those sins (to John, at least) being wrath, pride, and lust. Not only did he tattoo "wrath" on my chest, but he carved it into my forearm as well.

I lifted my shirt a little to show the word "lust" carved into my abdomen, and he curled his fist.

"I knew he'd always go overboard. I should have been more careful. I'm sorry."

"You never should have done any of those things in the first place, Joseph. You shouldn't have let them do any of the things they did."

He looked up from the ground and at my face sadly.

"I'm sorry, it's... We could have been kinder."

"Yeah, no shit."

"Listen, I did my best, okay?" he raised his voice, stepping forward. "I know you're upset about you and your friends getting hurt, and I'm sorry it had to be that way, but I did my best!"

I flinched at his shouting and stepped back, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry. I just... I'm trying my best to forgive you. Can you forgive me?" he asked, his tone much softer.

"I'm trying. And I'm getting there."

"Thank you."

I decided to cool off by sitting on the floor by the fish tank and watching them closely. They were pretty enough to keep me distracted from my emotions, and I completely spaced out for who knows how long.

Eventually, I snapped out of it when Joseph put his hand on my shoulder.

My head swiveled around to look at him, and he extended a hand to me. After he took my hand in his, he led me to the couch and sat down next to me.

"I have to ask... Why 'lust'? I never would have even thought that of you."

My cheeks flushed red thinking of the reasoning behind it.

"It's... Embarrassing," I muttered.

"Please, tell me. You have nothing to be ashamed of anymore. I just wish to understand, that's all."

I sighed. We'd already agreed on not keeping secrets, and besides, I didn't have a clue how he'd react if I were to refuse.

"You know Adelaide Drubman?" I asked.

"I know of her, and plenty about her."

"So you know she was a bit... Well, lustful?"

"Yes, I do," he nodded.

"She was with me when I destroyed that big 'YES' sign in the mountains, and after I did that, John said some pretty, uhh... Heinous things over the radio. After I responded, I must have left mine on, because he heard what we said afterwards."

"And what did you say?"

I sighed before continuing.

"Well, Adelaide said something along the lines of 'Can't we spare John? Killin' him would be a waste of a perfectly good set of buns' and something about how he'd probably give the best spankings."

Joseph chuckled at that, and so did I (more out of anxiety than anything else).

"Well, then I said something about how that'd be the case for... Well, I said that'd be the case for all of you guys," I continued. "And we got to talking about some... Lustful subjects, I suppose, and I suppose John heard all of it. I know he did, considering he quoted me word for word when he was cutting 'lust' into my skin."

Joseph cringed a little at that last part.

"What did you two say?"

"Please don't make me say it," I chuckled nervously. "I mostly just agreed with what Adelaide was saying, and you know how she is."

"Alright, alright. Whatever it was, I hope you know better now."

I scoffed.

"We were just two gals bein' pals, you can't blame us for that. I guess we're all sinners, though. Can't blame John for thinking it wrong, though, either."

"I suppose so. I'm sorry John did that to you, and it was not my will, but I do want you to understand that he did it because he cared in his own way. All of what we'd done was because we cared about each and every one of you. Even- no, especially the sinners."

I knew he was still set in his ways, and that would never change, but I had to take his word for it.

"I understand." Hardly.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Almost."

"Alright," he sadly smiled before getting up to leave.

"Joseph?"

He turned to me and raised his eyebrows.

"Please don't let me down."

"I won't."

\---------

I was always interested in Dutch's record collection. Sadly, I never got the chance to look through it, at least not until I ended up stuck in that damn bunker.

I sat all the crates down on the floor in front of me and began looking through them. There were a lot of rock and country records (which didn't surprise me) a lot of which was very old, but there was one artist that caught my eye as soon as I saw it.

Elton John. One of my all time favorites, and someone I'd never expect to see coming from Dutch.

Without a second thought, I got up and put the record on, a smile spreading across my face as Honky Cat began to play.

I was certainly excited that one of my favorite albums ever was in this godforsaken bunker, but I was even more excited to hear something other than Amazing Grace being hummed by Joseph. The song being a very favorite of mine was only complimentary.

I quietly sang along as I sat to continue looking for the records, setting aside the ones that I knew I liked. I decided to dedicate a whole crate to the ones that, in my own personal opinion, truly slapped.

Being in my own little musical world, I didn't notice Joseph had walked in until I heard him cough.

"Oh, hey," I said, standing up to turn off the music.

"Why'd you turn it off?" he asked.

"Didn't think you'd like it all too much."

"I don't mind it."

"Alright then," I smiled, turning it back on.

The notes of Salvation picked up again, and I went back to looking through the records. After a while, I'd filled the crate with what I considered to be the good shit and sat it aside for future listening.

Around noon, Joseph told me it was time to eat. Since we came down here, I'd not had much of an appetite. The food down here was hardly the best, but that wasn't why. I don't really know why, to be honest. Something to do with depression, I reckon.

"I'm not hungry."

"How? You've hardly eaten at all these past few days."

I shrugged.

"You have to eat. I can't have you starving yourself to death before we can even leave."

Of course, he got me to eat, because I wasn't in the business of grinding his gears, but it wasn't much.

\---------

I woke up to see Joseph sat at the foot of my bed, his head in his palms.

"Joseph?" I mumbled, sitting up and stretching.

"Good morning," he said.

"How long have you been there?"

"It doesn't matter. We need to talk."

The severity of his tone told me he had something important to say.

"What is it?" I asked, throwing my legs over the side of my bed and scooting closer to him.

"I've come to the realization that God wants us to have a child."

In that moment he could have body slammed me with an elbow to the gut and I would have felt the same.

"What!?" I blurted, my eyes wide.

I don't even know what he said after that because I think I might have blacked out or died or something.

After regaining my senses, I realized Joseph was trying to get my attention.

"I'm sorry, are you sure?" I asked.

"I've been thinking about it all night, and I-"

"Hold up. Have you slept?"

"No, but it's only 2 AM."

"Oh. Well, you still need to sleep."

"Yes but-"

"We can talk about this after you get some sleep. In a bed this time," I mothered him.

"Alright, alright. Goodnight. It's imperative that we discuss this as soon as possible though." Once he left the room, I laid back down and closed my eyes, but it was damn near impossible to sleep after that exchange.

I laid there for what could have been 30 minutes, or maybe 4 hours, before I finally just gave up. I went to look for Joseph, thinking he might still be awake, but when I found him, he was passed out in bed.

I couldn't help but smile a little bit before going back to my bed and forcing myself to sleep again.

I woke up a few hours later and went to find Joseph again. I wanted to make sure what he said wasn't just a dream.

I found him still in bed, but this time sitting up, his legs crossed and his face buried in his hands.

I walked in and sat on the bed next to him, and he perked his head up.

"Okay, we can talk now."

I was halfway expecting him to ask why, and I'd say "oh, never mind, just a silly dream", and we'd move on, but he didn't, and it wasn't.

"I'm not going to make you do anything until you're ready, but what God wants, we must give."

I don't know why I was shocked. I saw it coming sooner or later, but it still nearly sent me into cardiac arrest. That meant we were gonna have to have sex. SEX! With Joseph Seed! What the fuck!?

That's not to say the thought of having sex with him hadn't crossed my mind, maybe even multiple times (of the three siblings, I always found Joseph the most attractive, and if you KNEW what old Addy and I were saying about those boys? Whew! Guess that's my lust speaking.) but now that he was practically saying we should himself? Let's just say it didn't seem nearly as appealing as it did in my head.

"Give me time to think about it. I'm not entirely opposed, I just... I just need some time," I said.

"I understand. I would suggest you take all the time you need, but I do not know how long we should wait."

"Yeah. I'll keep you updated I guess. In the mean time, don't you think we should plan how we're gonna do this? Raise a kid, I mean. It won't be impossible, but it'll certainly be hard."

"Of course. It's best to be prepared."

We spent some time talking over the general idea of what we'd do (please don't make me go into full detail) before anything else, because that was the most important part. But we still had at LEAST 9 months to figure it out.

It was still surreal, not only the thought of having a child with Joseph, but his whole demeanor as well. It was like his guard was down, and he was just letting himself loose.

I was most shocked at how easygoing he was. I would have expected him to be a bit more commanding about it. About anything he says God wants from us.

I was more interested in having a child so I'd have more purpose down here than just waiting for the day we got to leave, but I was willing to follow what Joseph said for the sake of my own sanity.

Funny how we were only a week in and we were already talking about having kids.

\---------

I thought I'd be pondering it for days upon weeks. Apparently, one whole day is way too long to overthink something like that in this situation.

Upon seeing him that evening, I decided I wasn't going to wait for him to approach me for once.

"Joseph, I've thought it over plenty."

I sat down next to him on the couch, and he looked up from the book he was reading to make eye contact with me.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I reckon if this is what God wants, it's never too soon." I kinda bullshitted that last part, but if I'm gonna be real with you here, I was both too nervous to wanna think on it too long and too touch starved to wanna wait.

"Of course."

Taking me by the hand, he pulled my to my feet and closer to his body. He took my face in his hands and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine.

"We will do what we can to please God, no matter how hard we have to try," he said, barely above a whisper. "But at present, it is most important that we please each other."

It wasn't unusual for him to put his forehead to another's, almost as a sort of intimate greeting, but I was taken aback when he straight up kissed me.

I pulled back, startled almost. It had been months since anyone had ever kissed me, and almost as long since I'd even had intimate human contact (unless you count the times Adelaide slapped me on the ass).

"I'm sorry, I'm just... Not used to this," I stammered.

"It's fine," he smiled before picking me up bridal-style.

He carried me to his room and gently sat me down on his bed, then leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. My heart began to race as he slowly worked to undress me, being careful so as not to move too roughly.

The way he slowly and carefully undressed me showed me he was not merely trying to get off. It was almost... Romantic.

I stared at him in awe, examining his features as that was the only thing I could think to do. I felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest, and it was pounding so hard I was certain he could hear it.

Letting him undress me was the most vulnerable I'd been in years, and the fact that it was with Joseph Seed, of all people, made it so much harder to believe.

"Are you sure this is alright?" he asked before continuing.

I nodded my head with a soft smile while the butterflies in my stomach went apeshit.

He pushed into me with ease, and my breath hitched as he did so. His movements were slow at first, almost too slow, as if he was carefully trying not to hurt me.

I lifted my hands to hold onto his shoulders, and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against mine. As he picked up the pace, I couldn't help but to let out a soft, breathy moan, and my flushed cheeks became hotter as I did so. It was a little awkward seeing as I didn't really know if I could let myself go in front of him, even in this situation, but I wasn't too uncomfortable. Just self conscious, I suppose.

I had my arms wrapped around his back, and it was surprisingly smooth aside from the multitude of scars. 

The longer we went on, the more careless he became, moving even faster until I guess he decided he was bored of that position.

Sliding one arm under my leg and the other around my back, he picked me up and moved me against the wall. I wrapped my legs around his waist for support and he kissed me hard, only pulling away when he needed a deep breath.

Soon enough, I felt a warm sensation building in my gut, and I could tell he was coming to a finish as well. I couldn't help but let out a pathetic whimper as a wave of pure bliss washed over me, and that seemed to push Joseph over the edge.

After laying me back on the bed, he collapsed next to me, and I instinctively slipped my hand into his.

"I hope this works," I said, still a little breathless.

"I know it will."

I rolled over to rest my head on his chest, being sure to keep my body close to his. After finally receiving human contact for the first time in ages, I just couldn't get enough. I felt as if my impulsivity must have been some sort of sin, but it wasn't hurting anyone.

Joseph ran his fingers up and down along my shoulder, and the soothing sensation of it helped me drift to sleep.


End file.
